Reality

This week has been rough.

My due date is… well… today, now… and I went in for my weekly appointment on Monday. Last week he told me there was no progress. I wasn’t dilated or effaced at all. I was disappointed and so I decided not to get my hopes up that it would happen this week and so I prepared myself just in case the doctor would tell me the same news.

Well, he did tell me the same news. Actually he said jokingly, “If it were possible for you to go backwards, then that’s where you’d be.” He then told me that I might want to prepare myself mentally for a c-section and why that might happen.

In the doctor’s office, I took it all very well. I shook my head, smiled, and laughed at his jokes. But I barely made it out the door without bursting into tears.

A c-section? I hadn’t prepared for that at all. In all the books I read, I skipped over that section. The baby’s been in the right spot. I’ve been very healthy and so has the baby. It’s not in the birth plan! I want to experience labor, the way I’ve planned it.

I finally got a hold of my mom and I cried like a little baby, she probably thought something was horribly wrong. I told her the situation and then said,

“And the worst part is, I cut off all my hair!”

That’s when the tears turned into laughter because I realized I was being so ridiculous.

(Sidebar: I went and cut 5 inches or so off of my hair as soon as my appointment ended. If the baby situation wasn’t going to change, I had to change SOMETHING in my life. Oh, and I actually love it, even though I complained at first about it.)

Anyway, after talking to my mom, my sister, a couple of friends, and my husband, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world AND remembered that I have so many people who care about me.

Today I went to the temple, because I go in for some routine tests tomorrow just to make sure the baby is doing okay. If for some reason the tests fail, then I’ll have to be induced and most likely have to have a c-section tomorrow. But if I pass the tests, then I can wait until next week and the chances of having a c-section go way down. It was wonderful to feel the spirit and to not have to think about all of this right for a couple of hours. It also made me realize that this is not a HUGE deal, and it shouldn’t get me down. In fact, if this is my biggest worry–just that a c-section MIGHT occur–then I have things pretty good. I’m able to get pregnant, my pregnancy has been very easy, and no matter what, I’m going to have a beautiful baby girl in my arms any day now.

Wow, I can’t believe it’s December 1st.

{39 Weeks: Ready to POP}