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Push through the nap.

Occasionally we have days where the weather is just too perfect or we have something really fun planned smack dab in the middle of Finn’s nap time so we decide to skip it and just push through! 95% of the time it’s worth it. We don’t do it often, but on the days we do, we make memories. One Monday TJ was out of town and I took the kids to a new park and walking trail. Then I had promised to take Eva to pick out a new toy for completing her positivity/no fuss chart which led us to the mall play place. And then instead of heading home and having Finn take a late nap, I just kept driving west instead of getting on i-15 N and took the kids to the lake. The bugs were horrendous but it was sooooo gorgeous down there!

When I first had Eva and became a mom, I was incredibly strict with routines/schedules. That first summer TJ was gone and so I really stuck to it because it was the only way I had some sanity in my life. And as much as I believe structure and routines are SO good and extremely necessary for kids, I also a huge believer in getting out of your comfort zones, occasionally throwing out those routines, and just living in the moment when the moment calls! So find that balance! You won’t regret it!


Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!


A Weekend with the Kids

In January, TJ went out of town for a weekend to go pick up a car in Arizona. We kept busy but kept it simple since it was cold and I was in the middle of a puzzle (haha!). The kids were so cute! One evening I took them over to Harmon’s (just the nice grocery store) and we actually ate dinner there because they have a really nice upstairs area with tables and chairs and live music that night. Plus they got to ride in the car cart, so… as Michael Scott says, “Win, Win, Win.”

At Home with the Kids

We have been letting TJ take the car to work a lot, meaning we are left without a car. Honestly, it hasn’t been bad at all. It’s definitely a change though since I’m used to getting out everyday and doing a lot of stuff with the kids. But we just have to find other ways to spend our time. We’ve used our playroom much more than ever before, walk to all the different parks in the neighborhood, set up play-dates with neighbors, go on walks and bike rides, play a lot of games and chalk outside, and walk to the museums and farm nearby. Here are some photos from the past month of our shenanigans.

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In Two Weeks Time

I’m not quite ready to write Finn’s birth story. I’m sure I’ll be emotional recounting it all so let me just fill you in about the last two weeks.

Simply put, it’s been great. One night last week I went to bed and thought how I was so excited to wake up and be a mommy to Finn and Eva all over again. Before I had Finn, I was so worried about having another baby in my life. Wondering if I could possibly love another kid as much as Eva. But I do. I am obsessed. He is such a sweetheart. My mom asked me on the phone one afternoon how we were doing with everything and I started crying-she probably thought I was going to vent about everything to her (which I’m sure I will one of these days) but I just told her how I love having Finn here so much and how it’s been so wonderful. There’s just something about having a newborn in your home that is very special.

But just because it’s been great, it doesn’t mean it hasn’t had its challenges. With Eva sleeping through the night for years now, we are not used to having to wake up in the night over and over again. So the no sleep thing is really killing me. He had some good nights in there, but the past few nights has had a lot of gas or something making it hard for him to fall asleep. I forgot about all of this newborn stuff, but we’re getting used to it.

I’m trying to create some sort of routine, which is still very loose since he’s so little and things change day to day. But I think the structure has been vital for Eva since so much has changed in such a quick time. Eva is almost four, so it’s not terribly hard with her and the newborn, she plays well by herself and does have school three times a week. I also have made sure she’s had lots of grandma and cousin time since those moments make her the happiest. But I have noticed she’s been more emotional-had a couple tantrums and such. Today I was so tired and did not find her three-ness as cute as usual but realized at the end of the day, I need to be extra sensitive to her because she’s learning with all of this just like I am.

That’s about it. Little Finn is changing every day which breaks my heart but also gets me so excited for all the fun adventures we will have together. Look at that sweetie…

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Eva constantly wants to look/kiss/hug her brother.
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One week old here



Baby Day!

Turns out I’m being induced today! (I’m writing this on Tuesday, so unless I go into labor early and can’t change the date this post publishes, this should be true.) I was supposed to have my doctor’s appointment on Thursday, but the weekend before I started having some nausea and back cramps so I changed the appointment to Monday. I kept telling myself there would be no news, the doctor even agreed. But he threw me a curveball and asked if I wanted to be induced this week because there was actually some progress down there! I thought about it for about fifteen seconds, considered waiting until the next week, but selfishly decided I wanted this baby out… I’m not getting any smaller, and neither is that baby! Ha! So, there you have it. It’s baby day!

Here’s a photo of me when I was induced with Eva and her birth story… can’t believe I’m doing this again! Keep us in your prayers!


Come Out, Baby Boy

Today is your due date and as much as I’ve enjoyed watching you move inside my belly (even though sometimes it hurts like crazy), I would really like watching you move in my arms instead. We are getting VERY eager over here!

Here is a post I wrote on Eva’s due date! Keep me away from a hair salon this time! I’m so glad I don’t have that anxiety like last time!




Baby Boy Celebrations

In August, my sister-in-law threw me the sweetest shower and holy cow, she made the most delicious treats and brunch goodies. We stuffed ourselves, shared baby stories, learned crazy facts about animals when they’re pregnant (yikes!), and laughed about baby name ideas. Unfortunately, I do not have any photos! I’m so bummed! But I I still wanted to write about it because it was so kind and thoughtful of everyone! We received so many nice gifts and it’s made the prep for this new baby so easy!

Two of my good friends also wanted to celebrate the arrival of baby boy so we had lunch together one afternoon while Eva was in school. I can’t believe we three used to be single girls in the office at the library at BYU and now we all have babies! Time flies but I’m grateful for lifelong friends!

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I may not have gotten a picture of the shower but look at all those shoes! I’ve only bought one pair of shoes and maybe three outfits for this kid but he has already been spoiled by so many people!

39 Weeks


(Taken at 38 Weeks)

ONE WEEK UNTIL MY DUE DATE?! Ah! I feel so many emotions, but most of all just excitement. I’m not as nervous about the delivery anymore (I can do it!) and I’m just excited to meet this little (well, maybe massive) guy. Mostly, I’m thrilled to be done with pregnancy. It hasn’t been terrible or anything. I’m just done. I want my body back, I want to stop being in pain from this kid kicking me day and night (guys, I feel like Bella in Twilight sometimes), and I want to sleep normal again.

I was supposed to have my appointment today but on Tuesday my doctor’s office called and said I could come in that morning and get checked just in case I had any progress and needed/wanted to get induced later in the week since he is doing his inducings on Friday. I was in the office within the hour but kept telling myself not to get my hopes up because probably nothing was going on! Sure enough… I was right. Not dilated, not effaced. But that’s okay. My health is good so there’s no need to get this baby here right now anyway just because I am uncomfortable. Oh, but funny thing. Eva came to my appointment with me and as I was getting undressed from waist down, she was SO confused and couldn’t stop asking me what I was doing. I wish I had her reaction on video, it really made me laugh so hard.

Back when I was pregnant with Eva, she had to be induced a week after my due date and when I went to the hospital, there was nothing going on down there so they really thought she’d be a c-section. The medicine did work though, no c-section was needed, so this time I’m not nervous to be induced since I know my body can do it! If history repeats itself (which my doctor thinks it will), I’ll be induced again a week after my due date. Anyway, it’ll happen when it’s supposed to and as much as I want this kid here, we are just trying to have a lot of fun and enjoy these last few weeks as a family of three.

The Baby Boy’s Room

I still have pictures to put in frames and a couple odds and ends things in this room, but overall, I’m pleased with how his room looks especially because I barely spent anything. And did you see that NY painting over his crib? TJ painted it… I love it so much! I think I’ll end up having that in the middle and then put two newborn pics on each side. Now we just need the baby!

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