When in doubt, get out.

Just wanted to say THANK YOU for all the sweet messages and tips on how to handle the hard days of motherhood! I really appreciated it! Today has already been so much better. I feel like the biggest thing I need to remember is to be patient with my kids, even though it can be so hard. And take a breath before I react!

I actually wrote this post last week but forgot to publish it. It kind of goes along with everything that’s been going on…

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Last week the kids were driving me crazy, for whatever reason. It was about 5 pm and we needed to get out. I didn’t know where, but I knew it needed to happen. So, I threw them in the car and we ran around the outlets for an hour. It cheered us all up and was exactly what the doctor ordered.

It reminded me of five years ago when I first went to NYC. TJ was interning there for the summer and I got to visit him with TJ’s parents for a few days. Each morning Eva would be so grumpy in the hotel room and we’d think it was going to be a hard day exploring the city with her. But surprisingly, once we got out, she was so happy! Sometimes that’s all our kids (and ourselves) need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel like I’m usually pretty good about this, but when I get out of the habit or if the kids have been sick for awhile, it’s always hard to get back in the swing of it. TJ and I talk about this a lot, in fact. Outings with kids always seems like a lot of work, and oftentimes it really is tons of work. But it breaks up the monotonous part of life and we never regret it after it’s over!

When we moved to NYC, I was determined to get out immediately and get to know the city. I wanted to show Eva all that NYC had to offer and take advantage of that amazing city. We spent countless afternoons seeing children’s exhibits or going to new parks, even though Eva was young and probably wouldn’t remember it forever. But that was okay… it was just about getting out! If we would have stayed in our little apartment because it was inconvenient to push the stroller through the city or push our way into the subway, we would have gone crazy. So, for as much work as it was at times, it did so much for me mentally to just get out of the house!

Here in Utah, I’ve wanted to do the same thing with my kids. I want to show them all that Utah has to offer. I guess that’s why I started that Exploring Utah with Kids thing last summer. I wanted an excuse to get out of my house with my kids and try new hikes and parks. It’s so easy to get in the normal routine at home. Who needs the extra work, sometimes you think, right? But when we do get out, it’s so good for us and for our kids.

Then there are days where we just need to be lazy, and that’s okay. But when you need a change of pace, load up the kids and get out the house for an hour! Aaaaaand if you want a buddy, call me cause we’re always up for it!

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Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!

 

Wrapping Up March

Easter hat shopping. Finn did not like the boy ones or the white one. He wanted to wear the pink hat only.

Just a little weekday getup.

Finn’s new favorite game. 

We went to our friend’s 30th Birthday party at Noah’s which was a complete blast!

Finn, Eva, and I went to see Beauty and the Beast last week. It was better than I could have imagined!

We finally renewed our Thanksgiving Point passes and have already been so many times.

Just loungin’

Farm days with cousins

More loungin’… this kid knows how to relax, apparently.

We spent one morning at the Provo Rec Center. That place is so awesome!

Miss Eva remembered how to swim, I was so proud!

Swim fun with friends!

My wedding dates!

Eva wearing her “wedding skirt” while watching the Bride and Groom dance

Finn just devouring a cupcake

A Lil’ Home Project

Ever since we moved into this place, I wanted to take those shutter blind things down because 1) they’re ugly, 2) some were missing, and 3) they’d break or fall down pretty easily. After Finn pulling one down again this week, I told TJ we would be picking out curtains that night because I was done with them. We picked out simple white curtains for both the door and windows, then headed to Home Depot for wood to use as the rods. I love it so much and can’t believe it took us so long to do it!

2:30 Church

Yep. Church starts at 2:30 and, if you’re not familiar with the LDS faith, our church is three hours. So… you can image with kids, 2:30-5:30 is not the easiest time. I’ve been looking forward to Finn turning 18 months old for some time now because that would mean for the last two blocks of church, Finn would get to go to nursery and I would be kidless and enjoy Sunday School/Relief Society once again!

Well, the time came! Finn’s first class was last week and he did great. He cried for a minute when I dropped him off, but each time I checked in after through the window, he was playing or sitting nicely in the chair for singing time. It was adorable.

And since I’m already posting about church last week, Eva gave a little talk in Primary and it was so sweet seeing TJ help her. I’m grateful to have a husband who takes us to church each week and leads us in the gospel.