Why I Keep Coming Back

Today at church I was sitting in the foyer with Eva for (what felt like) the hundredth time and I just wanted to give up and throw in the towel. I thought to myself, Why do I keep coming back here? I miss the talks. I miss the lessons. Do I even get anything out of it when I am in and out of the meetings?

This led me to brainstorming the reasons why I do keep coming back.

• I need to set an example for Eva. I don’t want her to think that we can just skip church if we are having a rough day. In fact, those are usually the days we need it most.
• I can still enjoy the Spirit in the building. There’s something about getting dressed in your Sunday’s best and trying to be reverent.
• I will be blessed for my efforts.
• I still get bits and pieces of the messages, which add up to something.
• It’s never going to get any easier. I’m sure in ten years I’ll be looking back and dreaming of these days. I’ll have more callings, more kids, and more responsibilities then.

After that, I rededicated myself to staying the rest of the three hours. But it still wasn’t easy. On the way out, I grabbed my belongings quickly and headed to the car behind dozens of couples holding hands and talking about what they learned in Priesthood and Relief Society.

That’s when I lost it. The moment I got in the car I broke down in tears. I really consider myself to be a strong woman. Not many wives could be away from their husbands for four months and be okay. And most of the time, I am okay. But after a long day with Eva, I really needed my hubby at my side telling me it ‘s all worth it and to hang in there.

I know I shouldn’t complain. My mom would call me after reading this and say there are so many people in much worse situations than I am in. So, Mom, I beat you to the punch. When I do start feeling sorry for myself, I always think of all the wives with husbands in the military. They go months or even years without seeing their husbands and everyday they worry if he’s going to make it home safely. And when times are tough with Eva I try to remember how she’s the biggest blessing in my life.

And after all, there’s just a week and a half left. Only one more Sunday by myself. Oh, you better believe Eva will be T.J.’s responsibility for many Sundays to come.