Looking Back

Dear Eva,

I cannot believe in just one month you will be one year old. Just writing that sentence put me in tears! It seems like just yesterday when we were at the hospital and holding you in our arms for the first time. I remember when we got you all strapped in your car seat to come home for the first time. I cried the whole way home (you didn’t make a peep). I was quite an emotional wreck… looks like not much has changed! My mom was in Utah with us and helped to make the transition wonderful. She made me lot of  dinners, changed so many of your diapers, and stayed up late with you so I could take a little nap before you had to nurse again… you were quite the eater. Our home felt like a magical little world with all the Christmas lights and with you–our little baby girl.

When my parents left, I wondered how I would make it without them. Who would hold you while I showered? (There are days when I still think that.) But as you grew, so did I. There were really hard days where you’d would cry so much, I’d just hold you in the love sack and cry along, counting down the minutes until your dad came home from work. But there were also amazing times, such as the first time you held onto my finger, looked me in the eyes, and smiled at me.

I remember the emotional and difficult struggle I had with breast feeding. But I decided to do what was best for the both of us, and not look back. I remember when we moved you to your bedroom, when we moved you to your crib, when we let you cry-it-out through the night. That was a long couple of nights, but always worth it in the end. The first time you were in the swimming pool, you would barely dip your toes in the water but by the end of the summer you couldn’t stop splashing. The first time you ate baby food, you made the funniest faces.

I remember the first time you saw your daddy after he had been away for four months. Now that was a real tear jerker. I prayed all summer long that you would go to him and remember who he was. I really think that you remembered.

I remember the day you crawled and the day you took your first steps. You always have brightened up my day with your adorable smile and laughter.

The moments with you are countless, and the memories are forever. It’s been an amazing year. Probably the hardest of my life. But by far, it has been the most rewarding. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time, start from day one in the hospital and relive it again because it has been so incredible. But then I get so excited for the future, for all the memories that are ahead of us. I can’t wait to see you, my little girl, grow up!


Your Mama

1 reply
  1. Lelia
    Lelia says:

    Oh okay just make me sob like a little baby! That was so beautiful Katie! I pray that I remember to do things like this for our little ones! You’re an amazing mama!!


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