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Reality

This week has been rough.

My due date is… well… today, now… and I went in for my weekly appointment on Monday. Last week he told me there was no progress. I wasn’t dilated or effaced at all. I was disappointed and so I decided not to get my hopes up that it would happen this week and so I prepared myself just in case the doctor would tell me the same news.

Well, he did tell me the same news. Actually he said jokingly, “If it were possible for you to go backwards, then that’s where you’d be.” He then told me that I might want to prepare myself mentally for a c-section and why that might happen.

In the doctor’s office, I took it all very well. I shook my head, smiled, and laughed at his jokes. But I barely made it out the door without bursting into tears.

A c-section? I hadn’t prepared for that at all. In all the books I read, I skipped over that section. The baby’s been in the right spot. I’ve been very healthy and so has the baby. It’s not in the birth plan! I want to experience labor, the way I’ve planned it.

I finally got a hold of my mom and I cried like a little baby, she probably thought something was horribly wrong. I told her the situation and then said,

“And the worst part is, I cut off all my hair!”

That’s when the tears turned into laughter because I realized I was being so ridiculous.

(Sidebar: I went and cut 5 inches or so off of my hair as soon as my appointment ended. If the baby situation wasn’t going to change, I had to change SOMETHING in my life. Oh, and I actually love it, even though I complained at first about it.)

Anyway, after talking to my mom, my sister, a couple of friends, and my husband, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world AND remembered that I have so many people who care about me.

Today I went to the temple, because I go in for some routine tests tomorrow just to make sure the baby is doing okay. If for some reason the tests fail, then I’ll have to be induced and most likely have to have a c-section tomorrow. But if I pass the tests, then I can wait until next week and the chances of having a c-section go way down. It was wonderful to feel the spirit and to not have to think about all of this right for a couple of hours. It also made me realize that this is not a HUGE deal, and it shouldn’t get me down. In fact, if this is my biggest worry–just that a c-section MIGHT occur–then I have things pretty good. I’m able to get pregnant, my pregnancy has been very easy, and no matter what, I’m going to have a beautiful baby girl in my arms any day now.

Wow, I can’t believe it’s December 1st.

{39 Weeks: Ready to POP}

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“Now this is my joy, and my great thanksgiving…”

Yesterday was beautiful, so I rolled down the windows to hear the horrible sound of a “POP.”

Remember how we had to get our car fixed? The front right door needed to be replaced because someone hit us in the Jamba Juice parking lot on campus (and since then, I’m terrified to drive through there).

Long story short and explanation aside,  the people fixing our car missed that the window track or whatever it’s called is slightly broken and to fix it, it will cost $120. And we would have to pay for it, not that other driver (live and learn). So needless to say, I was slightly annoyed. Nope. Scratch that. I was very annoyed.

Do you ever feel like you just can’t catch a break? It’s almost the holidays and Santa is bringing us hospital bills this year… so yeah, $120 is a LOT. Driving the car back home, I started to cry. And then I thought,

Pull yourself together, it’s just a car window!

And the window isn’t even broken. In fact, the piece that is broken isn’t even a huge deal, it just makes an annoying sound half of the time. Not even all the time.

So, I stopped crying (why can’t I do that more often?) but I was still in a bad mood.

The little story continues. When I got home, I baked some fudge for our Relief Society activity last night and while stirring, I had another thought,

I should think of all my blessings… that will make me feel better.

I started to list them off in my head. T.J. The baby. Our home. Family. The gospel. This fudge. Chocolate. The Office and all of my favorite TV shows that make me laugh. Water. Flowers. Cold medicine. Our down comforter.

It went on and on.

And within five minutes, I wasn’t grumpy anymore. My day had completely changed just because I decided to think of all my blessings. And boy, I have a LOT to be thankful for.

Anyways, silly little story. But I just wanted to write it down so I’d remember that, even in times that may seem hard, we always have so much to be thankful for. And when we are aware of those blessings, it can change our entire attitude and outlook on life.

What are you thankful for?

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Pure Love of Christ

I always play the, “What was going on one year ago,” game. One year ago, a little seventh grader was changing my life.

As you might remember, I did a mentoring program while I was at BYU where we got paired up with sixth graders and hung out with them on campus for an hour each week. The last girl I mentored was the most special to me. She had a bunch of problems at home and was in and out of juvi. But this rough girl who had seen more than me in her life, even though I was double her age, actually liked me and we had a great time together that semester.

Unfortunately, the semester ended and I couldn’t contact her out of the program.

Then randomly, months later, last October I had a craving for Italian sausage. So I stopped at the grocery on my way home late at night and guess who I saw? My mentee, Savannah. She was leaving the grocery store and planning on walking home with two friends in the dark with all their groceries. I felt like I should offer to drive them home because it was late and cold. I told her if she ever needed anything to call me and so I handed her my number but expected to never hear or see from her again.

Then a couple weeks later, she called me. Savannah’s mom had had a stroke and was in the hospital and no one would give her a ride to see her. I picked Savannah up and walked her down the long hallway to see her mother laying in a hospital bed.

The next couple of weeks were some of the most powerful times of my life. I can’t explain it. As I served her, got to know her, got to see how blessed I was compared to this little girl, I changed inside. I remember coming home one evening after hanging out with her and I just started sobbing. But then I realized that they weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of love. Through serving my mentee, just spending time with her and giving her the attention no one had ever given her, I felt extreme love. But the love wasn’t just from me. It was from my Heavenly Father. I knew that day that He was specifically aware of Savannah and her situation. I could feel how much he loved her and knew that I was in her life for a reason. The reason was to let her know He cared and was there for her.

And so I shared that with her. We had so many great talks. I was able to share my testimony with her many times and let her know that God loved her and was always there for her, no matter what.

Right before I left to go home for Christmas, she was put in the hospital and we lost contact. Her mom didn’t have money for the cell phone and her dad had no answer when I asked her when she’d be out of the hospital. I never knew her last name and so every way I tried to contact her was a dead end. I was devastated. Devastated. I couldn’t believe that she was out of my life. I thought I was really supposed to help her and be there for her long term. I missed my little friend.

After a couple of months, I finally realized that it wasn’t a sad ending after all. I may not know what happened to Savannah or know where she is today but I do know that I was in her life at a specific time for certain reasons, some of which I’m sure I’m not even aware of. I don’t know why the time had to be so short, but I know I helped her and most importantly, she helped me. She taught me the true meaning of charity and changed my life forever.

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Book of Mormon Challenge

We are trying to finish the Book of Mormon by the end of the year and are a litttttle bit behind. So, what did I just do? Oh, I just downloaded the audio version for us to listen to and follow along with today!

Book of Mormon party at the Derricks!

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Sunday Funday

I can’t help but to think about where I’ve been the past couple years on Conference weekend, what was going on in my life, and how it differs from today. Five years ago, I came out for a college visit and got to see Conference with my brother. Two years ago, I went with T.J. and got an answer to marry him. And today, I’m married, sitting with my in-laws and expecting a baby.

Isn’t it crazy how time flies? It feels just like yesterday I was a kid back in Kentucky and we’d head to the chapel to watch conference after a soccer game or in between sessions, my mom and I would go shopping for my homecoming dress.

But one thing is the same from all of these years, Conference weekend has always had a special feeling about it. We get to hear from our Prophets and apostles who have a message specifically for us. And as I have grown older, it’s amazing to see how the messages specifically answer my prayers.

I hope you are enjoying Conference weekend and feeling the Spirit that it can bring into your life!

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On My Mind

Last week when work was ending, I told T.J. how I wished I would have worked harder at my job. It was over and I just felt like I didn’t try my hardest or put in as much effort that I could have put in during those three years. It was such a rotten feeling.

Then it made me think, if that’s just how I felt about working at my job during a small period of three years, think about the Second Coming. I do not want to feel that way about my life when it comes to the end. I don’t want to know I could have done better or tried harder.

I saw this awesome Mormon Message that kind of tied into this idea and how to live life to the fullest. The last line, President Uchtdorf says,

“Diligently doing the things that matter most will lead us to the Savior of the World.”

I encourage you to take the challenge with me to focus on the things in life that are most important. By doing so, we will live in accordance to the gospel, live a full, happy life, and have no need to regret in the last days.

Enjoy the video!

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Be of Good Cheer

Through righteous cheerfulness, you can overcome the power of the adversary.
Through gratitude, you can overcome discouragement.

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Who made those great signs?

This weekend was awesome. We had a lot of stuff planned and although I wasn’t home but a couple of hours, it was worth it. On Friday, we had the Relief Society  sleepover at Erin’s parent’s cabin about 45 minutes down the Spanish Fork canyon. Erin and I went down in the afternoon to get the place ready and put the food in the crock pot so it would be ready by the time everyone showed up.

There were 12 of us, which for an activity so far away on the last weekend before school-I thought was pretty good. We ate homemade Cafe Rio salads (which turned out spectacularly) and lots of other goodies. It was just a casual night where we sat outside in the cooler weather (oh, how wonderful it felt), talked for hours, and went to bed after two. For the rest of the weekend, I felt like I couldn’t stop telling T.J. about all the things we discussed. I guess he also thought I was a little crabby because of the lack of sleep so he told me that I’m not allowed to go to another sleepover. Sure, mom.

(P.S. thanks to Sarah for some of these pictures)

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A Night at the Cabin & Slumber Party

To all the women in my ward, don’t forget to come to the wonderful event we have planned on Friday!

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Looking Back Pt. 4

Sorry if these are getting boring to you. But I’m super emotional right now about my BYU experience ending and need to write all these posts.

Senior year. Wow. I couldn’t believe that I was finally a Senior. Things were different. I was married, not living as close to campus, and unsure of what was to come in the future (as I still am).

The first day of school, I was a wreck. It was like Freshman year all over again. Major anxiety, I was sick and SO nervous about meeting the people in my classes. I don’t know why, I already knew most of the people in the program.

Fall Semester was awesome because it made me realize what my passion was in advertising. I decided I loved the Account Planning side of things and hoped I’d be in New York the following summer with a Planning internship.

I worked really hard in my classes, loved my major and was so grateful that I chose what I chose, instead of Geography or Elementary Education. (Not that those are bad majors, but they just wouldn’t have been right for me).

I learned how to balance being a wife and a student. It was hard, especially when finals would come around and I would never see T.J. He’d spend the night on campus over and over working all night long on his Graphic Design projects, and I’d be at home studying and changing my plans about my future over and over. Grad School. No, job. No… Grad School…. no… job…. I DON’T KNOW!

We decorated our home for holidays, had several get-togethers through the year, I tried to hang out with my old girlfriends as much as I could, I worked on my capstone project for hours on hours, I got a job, quit a job, had some ridiculous interviews, gained some weight (oh, to be thin again….), and then learned I’d be gaining some more weight but would lose most of it in ninth months.

And that’s kind of where my life changed. I turned down the New York internship, prayed constantly for guidance and help in the next few months, sometimes felt jealous of my friends who got awesome advertising jobs across the country, but then remembered that the greatest blessing was happening to T.J. and I in a couple of months, walked in graduation, and took my final exam of my undergrad years.

So, there I was sitting on that bench yesterday waiting to be picked up from school as a student for the last time. And all I could think about was how I cannot believe it is all over. I can’t believe how fast those four years went. I can’t believe how many amazing people I met, how many activities I attended, how many devotionals I sat through, how many classes I sometimes skipped. How many prophets and apostles I got to hear on my own campus. How many points I got to see Jimmer shoot. How many late nights I spent on campus studying and how many crazy nights I had with my friends. I can’t believe how fortunate I was to be accepted in the Advertising program. I can’t believe I finished all my GEs. I can’t believe I found someone perfect for me to marry and that I now call Provo, Utah, my home.

It’s been a wonderful journey and I am so blessed that I could be a part of this incredible campus.

“When you walk out of this hall, with your diploma in hand, I hope you will take with you an unassailable spiritual strength. I repeat that this is a unique and remarkable university. It is an institution where you may learn the secular things of the world as well as you might learn them anywhere else on earth. And then there is a spiritual value that undergirds all that is done here. How marvelous a thing in the human character is a certain and solid assurance that God our Eternal Father lives. How richly blessed is that young man or woman who knows that he or she can approach the Almighty in quiet and humble prayer. How enriched is the individual who, as he or she goes out into the world, knows that all men and women are sons and daughters of God, each endowed with a divine birthright. How beneficial to come to the realization that, since we are all children of God, we all are brothers and sisters in a very real sense.” –President Gordon B. Hinckley

 

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