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On My Mind

I was reading some old posts of mine this morning, but I felt that I should repost this again. I think I mostly just need to remember my own words and I hope they might help someone out there. Recently I’ve been thinking about why bad things happen to good people and why we have to have difficult struggles in our life. Nothing is going on in our life you should be concerned about, it’s just the world we live in and some people around us that has gotten me thinking. So, here’s a post from February 6, 2012.


I’ve had a lot on my mind this weekend. Kind of heavy stuff.

It all started Saturday night when I received a call from my best friend back home, Blair, informing me that her sister’s boyfriend had been in a accident Friday night. He was riding his bike and a drunk driver hit him–he passed away on Saturday.

I don’t know the boy very well, but my heart instantly ached for his family (I went to school with his older brother) and for his girlfriend. Little Blair (my friend’s sister), as we’ve always called her, is one of the sweetest girls I know and as soon as I heard the news I thought, this just isn’t fair.

Then yesterday, we heard the news that Josh Powell blew up his house–killing himself and his two little boys. I’ve been following the story of Susan Powell since it happened, and even though I don’t know the family personally, it just broke my heart to hear that Josh killed his sons.

I was up at my in-laws last night and we started to talk about my mother-in-law’s mom who passed away when she was 44. Kelly (T.J.’s mom) was pregnant with T.J. at the same time her mom (Nancy) was pregnant. The day of the baby blessing for Nancy’s new son, she came home and told her husband she wasn’t feeling too well. She died just a couple hours later from blood clots. The day of the funeral, Kelly delivered T.J.

And one last story, just in case I haven’t depressed you enough. I read a blog post last night that Kelly told me about. It was of a photographer’s experience shooting a delivery of a still-born baby. The post was beautifully written, but made me feel so sad for this young couple who decided to naturally deliver this little baby who hadn’t made it.

Needless to say, in my prayers last night, I broke down in tears thinking about these four stories. All the people who have had such hard struggles, and how, in contrast, my life is abundant with blessings.

The biggest question on my mind about these different stories is, “Why?” Why did Little Blair’s boyfriend have to tragically die? Why did Josh have to take his two sons with him? Why did Kelly’s mother have to pass so early, leaving her newborn son without a mother? Why did that young couple have to lose their beautifully baby?

After contemplating this and discussing these questions with family, I’ve learned and remembered a couple of things.

  1. Sometimes accidents just happen. It’s sad, but true. God doesn’t always intervene. We have our free agency, He let’s things happen and although it’s hard, it’s a part of life.
  2. There are lessons to learn. Sometimes death brings a family closer, makes them think about their personal spiritual beliefs, and gives them a stronger testimony of the Plan of Salvation, and even forgiveness. It also teaches lessons to people outside of who it personally affected… such as me in all of these cases.
  3. God sees the larger picture. It is hard for us to see past the here and now and so when something tragic happens, we don’t understand why. We must have faith in our Heavenly Father that he knows what He is doing and can see the grand scheme of things.
  4. It teaches us of the Savior’s sacrifice for us and is a reminder of the Atonement and how Christ suffered the same things for all of us. What that means in correlation to all of this? When we feel like we’re alone and no one understands what we are going through, we can turn to our Savior and our Father in Heaven and they will be there to comfort us.

One of my favorite scriptures is D&C 122: 7-8. It says,

“Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?”

Anyway, those are my thoughts. My prayers are with those families lost loved ones this weekend. And I want all of you to know that I know families can be together forever through the blessings of the temple. I know that our Savior loves us and that the Holy Ghost can be here to give us peace and comfort if we ask for it.


Weekly Thought List

    • Sometimes as a mom, I catch myself comparing myself to other moms. I hate it. I need to do the best I can do and feel good about it.
    • We have had great weather here these past couple of days. 75 and a breeze.
    • I had a Panera’s Cinnamon Crunch Bagel this morning. I haven’t had one of those for years. So delicious. Who cares if it was in the middle of a workout-walk? Not me. Treat yo’self.
    • If you are someone who calls me regularly, I changed your photo to a picture of someone from the office. So now I need you guys to actually call me so I can have a good laugh when I get a call!
    • How about the Bachelorette last night? (***Spoiler alert***)I literally had NO idea that would happen, but surprisingly, I am happy about it. Chris seems like a real person. Not there to become a celeb. But Juan Pablo as the next Bachelor? Not thrilled about that. I guess they chose him because he’s a looker. But he was so boring on the screen! I think they should have brought in someone new or used Arie from last year.
    • Eva learned the word “mine” this week. So, that’s fun.
    • How is it already August?
    • Have you watched this Mumford & Sons video yet…


Weekly Thought List

Picture 1

  1. I love the quote above (taken from The Office and I found the graphic on Instagram @stevecarellfanpage). I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot lately. Here in Jersey, we don’t have mountains right outside of our windows or see amazing sunsets every single night (oh, Utah…), but there is a lot of beauty around me, I just have to take time to notice it. Archetecture, old buildings, parks, the river, and our amazing view of the NYC skyline and empire state building out of our window. Pretty amazing!
  2. We decided that until we get a couch (we had to leave our old couch in Utah because it didn’t fit in our U-boxes), that we  are going to keep our bed out in the living room. I kind of hate the way it looks astetically and I definitely won’t be entertaining with the bed out here, but it’s really nice to not sleep in the same room as Eva. Originally we planned on putting her portacrib in the walk-in closet… but we realized she will just pull of the clothes down on the ground and create quite a ruckus. So, although it kind of looks ghetto to have the bed out in the open, at least it’s convenient and comfortable.
  3. I FINALLY cooked last night! And it was awesome. I missed it so much. I made my favorite oven tacos and a fruit salad with balsamic vinegar dressing. I’ll be posting that recipe soon!
  4. We watched Safe Haven the other night. Was I the only one who thought it was legitimately scary? I don’t watch scary movies EVER anymore (with the exception of The Walking Dead, but that’s kind of different) so perhaps my tolerance is low. Anyway, I thought it was really good. Kind of cheesy at parts, but I liked the story and I got major chills at the end.
  5. T.J.’s birthday is on Father’s Day and he really wants to see the new Superman movie. But we don’t have a babysitter since we are new to the area. We created a plan that is sort of lame, but at least we will be able to see the movie… I see the movie earlier in the evening on Saturday and then he goes to the later showing when I get home. Is that ridiculous? The movie theater is just a block away, so considering our limited options until we find a babysitter out here, I think the plan isn’t too shabby.
  6. Holy cow. The rain out here won’t stop. Well, I guess it did over the weekend. But pretty much all last week and then again today it has rained continually. I really would love it to ease off so Eva and I can get out of the apartment and explore the area more than just the mall a block away. I WANT TO GO TO CARLO’S BAKERY!
  7. I’m going to visit my sister in DC next week. It’s only about four hours away and it’s almost been six months since I’ve seen her and her family. I can’t wait to see those cute nieces of mine!
  8. The building that we live in is about 90% occupied with Indian families. Everyone is very friendly and nice, we love it. But our hallways smell like curry 100% of the time.
  9. We are weening Eva off of bottles. It’s going okay. We no longer give her a bottle in her crib to help her fall asleep and I think she’s gotten used to that fortunately. But she still asks me for her “ba-ba” throughout the day. I put the milk in a sippee cup but she wouldn’t take it today. Any tips?
  10. We got called to be sunbeam leaders at church. We are over about ten four-year-olds. They are really cute but quite a handful. Also, on the subject of church… Eva went to nursery for the full time yesterday and didn’t cry at all! I’m so happy!

Thought List


  • The biggest thing in my head is THE OFFICE SERIES FINALE TONIGHT. I have been in denial that it’s happening. Like, my best (tv) friends are coming back in the fall… they’re just pulling another prank… right? I just can’t believe it. But it will be good. I’m excited to see how they wrap everything up. If Michael Scott does not appear somehow in the finale (even a tiny clip), I will die. DIE out of heartbreak. If he DOES appear, I will die. DIE from a heart attack full of love. So, either way… it’s going to be a pretty exciting/crazy/horrible/beautiful night. 
  • We sold our car. Seriously, I cannot express how grateful we are about this. We really felt that it was the right thing to do before moving to New York. We’d have one less bill to pay and just downsize our life a bit. I know it’s going to be a transition, but it won’t be too bad in NY since there’s the subway. But anyway, a couple bought it from us Wednesday morning and we got more than we expected to get so we were able to pay off some bills too! Score! I’ll forever miss our Eggplant.
  • We are going to Southern Utah today through tomorrow. T.J.’s great-grandfather who was 103 died on Mother’s Day. It is sad because we will surely miss his sweet spirit, but he has moved on and I’m sure has been missed on the other side. It will be nice to see extended family this weekend before we leave for New York, too
  • T.J. is ONE step away from finishing his BFA final project. He has to get it done before we leave for NY… so tick tock, T!
  • THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!
  • We found a place to live in NYC! I think I mentioned we were going to just rent a hotel for a couple of days and find housing once we get out there but a friend of mine from high school lives in Brooklyn pretty close to where we were looking for housing. She and her husband are leaving the day our hotel stay is over for the rest of the summer. We are going to rent their apartment! It worked out PERFECTLY. It was truly a blessing and an answer to our prayers. Now we can take our time to find where we really want to live and not feel pressured into signing a place right away.
  • I really need new makeup. I generally use Almay for concealer and foundation but I feel like it doesn’t cover up dark eye circles well enough. Anyone have any suggestions? Also, I want a new brand of waterproof mascara. I buy from the grocery store so please don’t give me a tip that will cost $50.
  • I scolded Eva the other day saying, “No,” very firmly while waving my pointer finger at her. What did she do? I thought it might make her cry. But no. She did the EXACT same thing right back at me. The finger and everything. SHE IS ONLY ONE AND A HALF! What is it going to be like when she’s five? At least at that age she’ll be able to understand more clearly.
  • I don’t believe we are really going to New York in five days. It’s been talk for so long that it doesn’t feel real. EEK! Who is going to come visit us?!?

Checking In

Well, moving day is in two weeks from tomorrow. We still don’t have a solidified plan of where we are going, although we do know we can stay with T.J.’s parents for a bit if we need to. So, it’s nice to know we won’t be homeless. We have been praying A LOT, as you can imagine. Yesterday, I swear Eva rolled her eyes at me when we had another family prayer. But trying to figure out where to go and what to do with our life is a big step and I know all the prayers are working. We may not have a plan quite yet, but I feel so much peace compared to several weeks ago. I know things will work out and I have faith that Heavenly Father has a plan for us. Now, if we could just have a little glimpse into what that plan is… life would be bliss.

I saw this gif on one of my favorite blogs and had to share it. The caption was:

In undergrad, when someone asked me about my post-graduation plans


I had a good laugh. Thank you, Parks and Rec.

Hope you guys have a great week!

Live Without Pretending

On Studio 5, they’ve had a monthly challenge and theme to live without pretending.

As much as I do appreciate this idea, I have some thoughts on it as well.

Of course, I think we need to be real with people. Social media can, and often does, turn into a place where we cover up what is really going on in our life. We can easily sugarcoat the bad and make everything seem a lot better than it really is.

But part of me wonders what is so horrible with that. Why would I want to blog about the fight my husband and I had last week, or take lots of photos of the messes that cover my house. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. But I think that posting the good in my life is a way to stay positive. Now, no one likes to read a blog or see other social media that’s about a life that’s perfect. But reading posts constantly from a Negative Nancy isn’t fun either.

I guess we just need to find a balance. Sure, we need to live life without pretending. But, we also can try to be optimistic and uplifting to others by posting about the good in the world and in our lives.

What are your thoughts? How do you try to stay real but still positive?

And since tonight is The Bachelor, I thought this message was 100% fitting…



Tierra’s Sparkle YouTube link


In My Brain

Photo Jan 30, 1 09 41 PM 
  1. Eva and I played in the snow together on Wednesday. We made a snowman and she helped by patting the sides and eating the surrounding snow.
  2. The new Vine video app is awesome and you should get an account! It’s like Instagram but 10 times better.
  3. I painted Eva’s nails and toenails this week. Just trying to think of anything to stay busy. They look adorable.
  4. Eva’s been giving kisses all week long! I hope these kisses are here to stay!
  5. We’ve got a ward dinner tonight… The men are “making dinner” for us ladies.
  6. My sister had weather in the 70s this week. In DC! I’m so jealous of you right now, Mary Beth!
  7. T.J. is so busy with school. I’ve only see him from 5-7 pm the past couple days. I go to bed before he gets home and get up after he leaves.He has so much on his plate at school right now, so pray that he won’t get sick and that he’ll be able to sleep soon!
  8. Eva’s doing this thing where as soon as she goes down for a nap, she goes to the bathroom. Not number 1. So, I’ll get her out of her crib and change her. Then twenty minutes later when I think she’s asleep, she starts making some noise again. I smell the awful smell again. Change her diaper again. Put her back to bed. IT HAPPENED THREE TIMES ONE MORNING THIS WEEK! THREE DIRTY DIAPERS IN A ROW! I guess she gets really relaxed? Or she knows I’ll change her diaper? Any tips? I think I need to switch her over to one nap anyway, so maybe once I change the times of her naps, it’ll fix the problem? So gross.
  9. It’s Groundhog Day this weekend! “Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today.” You’re telling me, Phil!
  10. I got a chunky knit sweater from the Gap yesterday that was originally $64, now for $10. It’s beautiful and warm and I’ll probably wear it everyday for the rest of winter. Kidding.

Bonus: Last night’s episodes of The Office… If they have Pam cheat on Jim with Brian, I’m going to be beyond madBeyond that annoyance, the episodes were SO funny!


Thought List


  1. This inversion is killing me. I can’t wait for the Spring… not because of the cold but because (hopefully) rain will come and wash all this bad air away!
  2. We planned a last minute activity at the indoor track for the Relief Society. The people who planned it were the only ones who came. But we had a great power walk nonetheless!
  3. The Parenthood finale last night was in.cred.i.ble. Guys, it wasn’t even five minutes into the show and I was already tearing up. I love that show! I’m worried that it’s going to be canceled though because it ended so early in the year. Anyone know anything?
  4. I can’t stop dreaming about warm weather and vacationing. There’s a job T.J. is looking at in Southern California, and it’s starting to sound really wonderful. Thirty minutes from the beach and one hour from Disneyland? Sign me up. But like I said, he’s just looking at it. So, family (particularly mothers and mother-in-laws), don’t worry yet!
  5. I have been having the strangest dreams at night. Last night all of my old acquaintances from high school were hanging out with Eva and me. So random.
  6. The more Downton Abbey I watch, the more I catch myself talking in a British accent.
  7. The circus is in town. If Eva was a little older, I’m pretty sure we would be going today. Have I ever told you all about the time I went to the circus with a friend and she fell asleep in the middle of it? I will never forget that and how weird I thought it was. I still can’t believe it. What type of kid falls asleep during the circus?
  8. I put dry shampoo in Eva’s hair this morning because it was sticking straight up and I wanted her to wear a headband today. Her hair has so much volume now. It’s pretty funny looking.
  9. When we left for the track last night, Eva wouldn’t put her tooth brush down. So, Eva “brushed” her teeth during our entire time out. What can I say? She’s serious about brushing.
  10. It’s already Wednesday! Awesome!

My Flaws

For some reason, this weekend I was in a little rut. I’ve had a cold for so long, I’m tired, and haven’t had much time away from Eva. So, I’ve been on edge. I kept finding myself snapping at T.J. at getting offended at the smallest things. I sure hope I get out of this rut because I’m sick of being so emotional! So, my goal this week is to live by these words:




There’s just something about the bright sun shining down on the snow and through my window that puts me in a good mood. It’s nice to see the sun after so many cloudy days. And Mondays, they can either be good or bad. Today, I’ve decided it’s going to be good. That way my whole week is off to a good start.

Hope you have a good Monday, too.