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Reflecting Back

Three months. Three months and my whole life has completely changed. I’ve said it over and over, and I’ll say it again. These months have seemed like a big blur. It’s getting harder and harder to remember specific memories. But there are many amazing ones and of course, many difficult ones too, when I think about it.

I remember when we brought home Eva from the hospital and I cried the whole way home because I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I left my house as a wife and I came home as a mother.

I remember the first couple days at home when we had to keep bringing Eva to the doctor to make sure she was recovering well from the fever she had at delivery. It was like a sudden awakening into adulthood. I was responsible for someone else, someone who fully depended on me.

I remember when my parents left and I wondered how I was ever going to do it without them. How was I going to take a shower? Go to the bathroom? Make dinner for my husband? There are still many days where I wonder those things.

I remember one night T.J. was at school and Eva would not stop crying. I held her on the Lovesac and just cried with her. It was heartbreaking to see her cry so much and not know how to comfort her.

I remember how I was so desperate to get Eva to fall asleep, I put her in her car seat on top of the dryer. It worked the first night, but that was about it.

I remember dancing to Justin Bieber’s Christmas special with Eva in the living room with the Christmas tree sparkling in the room. She just looked up at me with her big blue eyes.

I remember the first (and only) time I was at home without Eva. Our house felt so empty. I hated it and couldn’t wait for her to return with her daddy.

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Today was one of those hard days. Eva’s diaper rash is back and as bad as ever, so she was crying from pain a lot. She didn’t want to be put down at all but I was okay with it. I spent the day looking at Eva in my arms and thinking about all the moments we’ve had with her so far and imagining what life will be like with her in the future.

A baby truly changes everything and I’m so grateful for that fact.

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Early Memories

We stayed at T.J.’s parent’s house last night so we could go to the temple in the morning. While we were there, Eva leaked through her diaper (and then onto her grandma and her grandma’s living room carpet). Kelly gave her a little bath in the kitchen sink and it reminded me of one of my earliest memories.

I remember when I was really little and would visit my grandmother, I would get baths in the kitchen sink too. I don’t remember much more than that, but I can see it in my head. Next to the red countertops and the sun shining through the kitchen window.

The only other memory I have of when I was really young was, surprisingly, also at my grandmother’s house. I was sleeping in a crib in my mom’s room. I remember being scared and calling out for my mom over and over through the night.

Random memories. But they’re fun to think about. What are some of your earliest memories? Post about it on your blog and send me the link!

{My sister and I in front of my grandmother’s old house}

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Looking Back

Today I learned that you can do minor edits on YouTube. That’s why that last video of Eva has that corny music, overused filter, and cuts off instead of just fading out. But it’s better than the boring videos and it’s kind of fun to use. So, I did two more from our wedding and it’s inspired me to finally edit all of our footage from the wedding (on Final Cut, not YouTube). Looks like I’ll be taking some trips to campus soon.

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In {Two} Years Time

On this day two years ago, T.J. and I got engaged. You can read the engagement story here. I cannot believe how fast time flies! Today we are happily married and celebrating the one month birthday of our little Eva.

I love you, T.J., and I am so grateful to have you in my life. Chipped tooth and all.

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Special Moments

I wish I could record every minute of every day with Eva. I don’t want to forget anything. All of her smiles, all of her coos, even all of her tears. These past two weeks have been incredible, but unfortunately I don’t have enough time to write about it all. So here are a couple of moments that I’ve loved, especially.

  • Tuesday night, I was driving by myself with Eva. She was crying so loud for so long. I’m not used to this yet. Especially when I’m driving and can’t help soothe her. So, of course, I start crying too (probably doesn’t help the situation) then I decided to sing A Child’s Prayer from the Children’s hymnbook. During labor, I sang that to myself a lot and so I thought maybe it would help. When I got to the second verse, there is a line that really got to me that says, “Speak, He is listening… He hears your prayers.” I knew right then that my Heavenly Father was aware of me and that he was looking out after me. Eva fell asleep shortly after that.
  • One of these nights, Justin Bieber was on TV singing on a Christmas special and so I picked up Eva we danced together in the living room to “Mistletoe.” All the lights were off in the house except for the Christmas tree. It was quite adorable and I hope I remember this forever.
  • Before my parents left, my mom really helped out by taking Eva so I could nap, shower, and have time with T.J. I walked in on her many times rocking Eva and singing to her. I wish she could be here every day so Eva could always have that special time with my mom.

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Pure Love of Christ

I always play the, “What was going on one year ago,” game. One year ago, a little seventh grader was changing my life.

As you might remember, I did a mentoring program while I was at BYU where we got paired up with sixth graders and hung out with them on campus for an hour each week. The last girl I mentored was the most special to me. She had a bunch of problems at home and was in and out of juvi. But this rough girl who had seen more than me in her life, even though I was double her age, actually liked me and we had a great time together that semester.

Unfortunately, the semester ended and I couldn’t contact her out of the program.

Then randomly, months later, last October I had a craving for Italian sausage. So I stopped at the grocery on my way home late at night and guess who I saw? My mentee, Savannah. She was leaving the grocery store and planning on walking home with two friends in the dark with all their groceries. I felt like I should offer to drive them home because it was late and cold. I told her if she ever needed anything to call me and so I handed her my number but expected to never hear or see from her again.

Then a couple weeks later, she called me. Savannah’s mom had had a stroke and was in the hospital and no one would give her a ride to see her. I picked Savannah up and walked her down the long hallway to see her mother laying in a hospital bed.

The next couple of weeks were some of the most powerful times of my life. I can’t explain it. As I served her, got to know her, got to see how blessed I was compared to this little girl, I changed inside. I remember coming home one evening after hanging out with her and I just started sobbing. But then I realized that they weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of love. Through serving my mentee, just spending time with her and giving her the attention no one had ever given her, I felt extreme love. But the love wasn’t just from me. It was from my Heavenly Father. I knew that day that He was specifically aware of Savannah and her situation. I could feel how much he loved her and knew that I was in her life for a reason. The reason was to let her know He cared and was there for her.

And so I shared that with her. We had so many great talks. I was able to share my testimony with her many times and let her know that God loved her and was always there for her, no matter what.

Right before I left to go home for Christmas, she was put in the hospital and we lost contact. Her mom didn’t have money for the cell phone and her dad had no answer when I asked her when she’d be out of the hospital. I never knew her last name and so every way I tried to contact her was a dead end. I was devastated. Devastated. I couldn’t believe that she was out of my life. I thought I was really supposed to help her and be there for her long term. I missed my little friend.

After a couple of months, I finally realized that it wasn’t a sad ending after all. I may not know what happened to Savannah or know where she is today but I do know that I was in her life at a specific time for certain reasons, some of which I’m sure I’m not even aware of. I don’t know why the time had to be so short, but I know I helped her and most importantly, she helped me. She taught me the true meaning of charity and changed my life forever.

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Flashback

Freshman Year: Little Girl Playing Dress Up

Sophomore Year: Frodo, 80’s, Dinosaur

Junior Year: Dragon and Dorothy

Senior Year: Bob from What About Bob and a Cheetah

Grad: Skeleton with Skeleton Baby

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Time Machine

Where did time go?

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Dear Hannah,

Let’s do a little math equation, shall we.

I had one girlfriend. She left me. How many girlfriends do I have now and on a scale from 0-10 (0 being the lowest, 10 the highest), how depressed am I without you?

If you answered 0 to both of those questions, you are correct.

Turns out every woman needs a man and her best friend by her side. So, jeez louise, come back and see my baby bump already.

Pleaseandthankyou,

Katie Lee

P.S. I hope this picture makes you cry as much as it does me.

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E.F.Y.

E.F.Y. has officially started here on campus. I think they were here last week, but not as many as this week. I used to get incredibly annoyed by the mass amounts of teenagers invading my campus, but I don’t mind it as much anymore. They’re pretty fun to watch, actually. And I can’t help but to think of my own experience at E.F.Y. five years ago. (I can’t believe it’s been that long!) It is one of the most influential and exciting times for a Mormon teenager, at least it was for me, and sometimes I wish I could go back.

Unfortunately, when my hard drive failed last summer or when I lost my external hard drive at the airport, I lost all of my E.F.Y. photos, except for the one at the top. Can you find me?

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