August 30

We are getting down to the last three weeks of T.J.’s internship. As time goes by and the four months add up, I almost start thinking that this is what the rest of my life is going to be. We are going to be apart forever and I’m going to have to raise Eva by myself. But fortunately, it’s not true! He will return and life will finally go back to normal.

Yesterday I was at a wedding and a couple friends who I hadn’t seen for quite some time asked me some of the same questions everyone asks me after I tell them of our situation: Is it just so hard to be apart? Do you miss him terribly? How can you stand for T.J. not to see Eva grow up these four months?

These questions and comments, while I know most people are just making conversation and being thoughtful, kill me. Seriously. They’re the worst!

Of course, it’s hard. But we prayed about what we should do before the internship started and we had an overwhelming feeling that I should stay back in Provo with Eva. Looking back, I know some reasons why that was our answer now. So, yes, it’s been hard. But it has been 99% worth it.

Of course, I miss him, but this is what we had to do as a family so I try not to think about it. When I do think about it, I get sad. But instead of being sad all summer, I decided to think of all the benefits this internship is bringing to our family and enjoy myself here in Provo.

That last question is by far the worst. People say it to me constantly and I can’t take it any longer! Yes, T.J. is missing all of this! But in the long scheme of things, four months isn’t long! There have been a few milestones he has missed but there will be plenty more to come. It’s another thing I try not to ever let myself think about because the only thing it will do is make me sad and discouraged, and I need to have faith in the answer we had as a family about being apart for the summer. So, if you don’t mind, let’s all may a pact to never bring this up again, alright? Pleaseandthankyou.

Now that I have vented, let me tell you about the three things I am most excited about when T.J. comes back!

1. Being a +2 again! No more being a single parent at church and no more arriving by myself at events such as weddings. Being able to go on dates on a Friday night, watching movies with my best friend, and eating dinner together every night.
2. Not being sad when I’m around T.J.’s family. Holy cow, this has been one of the hardest things as the summer has progressed. I love his family but being around everyone who is related to him makes me miss him a hundred times more. Plus, when there are parties or other events, I can’t stop thinking about all the past parties we have been at together. It makes his lack of presence even more tangible and leads me to a breakdown in the bathroom 99% of the time.
3. Eva and T.J. being besties. I can’t wait for Eva to look at T.J. like the way she looks at me. It makes me tear up and smile just thinking about it. Her personality is just to die for and I can’t wait for T.J. to get to know her again!