A Letter

Dear Baby,

Yesterday I went in for some tests to monitor your little heartbeat since it was your due date and my doctor wanted to make sure you’re doing okay. When I walked into the room for the Non-Stress Test (NST), I could hear about three other babies’ heartbeats being monitored. It was quite a special room.

First, they did an ultrasound to measure all the liquid pockets. I got to see your spine, your feet (jabbing me right under my ribs, as usual), you practicing your breathing, and your whole body shake when you got the hiccups.

Next, they put these bands around my belly to watch your heartbeat and to monitor my contractions (which I didn’t even know I was having, I thought I was just having an upset stomach lately haha). Your heartbeat was strong and it accelerated well when you moved. It was pretty incredible to see the direct response of the heartbeat when you would kick and squirm. But then whenever I would have a contraction your heartbeat would drop. The nurse assured me you were okay, but it was something they wanted to look at more. At one point it dropped from about 160 to 109 and it got me so worried and scared that something was not right. It amazes me how I can feel so much love and protection for you even though I’ve never met you.

So, they moved me over to the hospital where I’m planning on delivering you, just in case they would need to induce me. Because the nurse told me I shouldn’t be concerned about the heartbeat dropping and that it could just mean my placenta is starting to fail since it’s the end of the pregnancy, I felt pretty calm. It meant that you might actually have gotten to come on your due date. I sat in the hospital room by myself texting my friends and family about what was going on and anxiously waiting to hear if they would let me go home or if I was going to meet you sooner than expected.

After monitoring you for another couple of hours, the doctors decided you were doing enough good things (good resting heartbeat, strong acceleration) to let me go home and that on Monday they would check again to make sure you’re doing okay. Although I was kind of relieved to get to go home and take a nap after the emotional day, I was also very disappointed that I was going to have to wait longer to meet you.

For the past 24 hours or so, I’ve been feeling kind of queazy and starting to notice my contractions more. But I’m still feeling you kick me really high and the contractions aren’t close or painful yet, so I’m guessing you’ll be here later next week. Don’t you know that it’s a lot more fun out here? You have a lot of people who can’t wait to meet you and your mom is getting quite emotional. In fact, last night I was watching a movie where a couple got to hold their newborn and I just burst into tears and said out loud, “I want my baby!” Good thing no one was around, they would have thought I was crazy! But we will meet soon enough.

Until then,

Your Anxious Momma

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