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Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!

 

Wrapping Up March

Easter hat shopping. Finn did not like the boy ones or the white one. He wanted to wear the pink hat only.

Just a little weekday getup.

Finn’s new favorite game. 

We went to our friend’s 30th Birthday party at Noah’s which was a complete blast!

Finn, Eva, and I went to see Beauty and the Beast last week. It was better than I could have imagined!

We finally renewed our Thanksgiving Point passes and have already been so many times.

Just loungin’

Farm days with cousins

More loungin’… this kid knows how to relax, apparently.

We spent one morning at the Provo Rec Center. That place is so awesome!

Miss Eva remembered how to swim, I was so proud!

Swim fun with friends!

My wedding dates!

Eva wearing her “wedding skirt” while watching the Bride and Groom dance

Finn just devouring a cupcake

2:30 Church

Yep. Church starts at 2:30 and, if you’re not familiar with the LDS faith, our church is three hours. So… you can image with kids, 2:30-5:30 is not the easiest time. I’ve been looking forward to Finn turning 18 months old for some time now because that would mean for the last two blocks of church, Finn would get to go to nursery and I would be kidless and enjoy Sunday School/Relief Society once again!

Well, the time came! Finn’s first class was last week and he did great. He cried for a minute when I dropped him off, but each time I checked in after through the window, he was playing or sitting nicely in the chair for singing time. It was adorable.

And since I’m already posting about church last week, Eva gave a little talk in Primary and it was so sweet seeing TJ help her. I’m grateful to have a husband who takes us to church each week and leads us in the gospel.

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28

Somehow I’m now 28 years old. Time just flies. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my short 28 years, it’s that life just keeps going, no matter what. So, do what you love and make things happen. Sometimes that’s hard for me. Sometimes it’s hard to relax, get off routines, change up my schedule. But if you don’t do that, you won’t do the things you love. So… make time and make things happen. That’s kind of been my motto since last summer and it’s good to keep reminding myself of it.

Anyway, my birthday was nice! TJ surprised me with a cute (and of course, well designed) calendar with photos he had picked out for each month (some literally made me tear up remembering the memories!). Then on Saturday, we had lunch up at City Creek. We were going to shop for a while up there afterward, but Finn was quite a crankypants and needed a nap, so we went home instead. I got to go shopping at the outlets by myself with a 40% additional off at the Gap Outlet (thanks HJ), and then that night I watched the RS broadcast with my mother-in-law and sister-in-laws. It was a nice Pre-bday celebration. Oh and I should mention, my MIL took me and my SIL out for lunch and shopping the week before without our kids and it was such a great day! I’ve really been spoiled!

Then on my actual birthday, TJ brought me breakfast in bed. Because it was supposed to rain all day, I was pretty grumpy, I’m embarrassed to say. But he really tried so hard to cheer me up! I’ve also decided the next warm Saturday we have available, we are heading to the red rocks again for a birthday adventure to make up for it. Throughout the day, several people dropped off gifts, sent cards and packages, brought by treats, sent texts… honestly, so many people reached out and I am overwhelmed at how blessed I am. Thank you all for thinking of me. I’ve had a few things going on behind the scenes recently that have made this month a little harder than normal. I’m good, we’re good, don’t worry, but just know that every message/gift/treat was so appreciated! So THANK YOU!

Bloom Where You’re Planted

As I mentioned last month, I’m on the Relief Society activities committee at church. If you’re not Mormon, then basically what it means is I help plan the activities for the women at church. This month was the anniversary of when the Relief Society was created, 175 years ago. We got to thinking as a committee about the theme “Bloom Where You’re Planted” and what the early Saints of the church went through. They sacrificed so much and had such great difficulties yet took what they were given and made the best of it. So, we wanted to use that idea for a Spring inspirational activity.

We had a Cafe Rio style salad bar along with a soda bar and beautiful cupcakes made by someone in our ward. It really turned out nicely, although I did learn a lot about planning a big dinner for a large group! We had an inspirational speaker who has been given five years to live by her doctors because of the type of cancer she has. She has “bloomed where she was planted” and is making the most out of her time and showed us why each day is a gift from God.

Thanks to all who came and helped!

Going to see the “ish”

Finn loves watching the moving Finding Dory (so does Eva, but Finn zones out when it’s on). He typically doesn’t care about the TV, but if the “ish” are on, he has to watch. So, when TJ went out of town at the end of February, I took them to the aquarium with TJ’s parents. It was such a great morning! I forgot how nice that aquarium is. I almost bought a pass, and still am debating if we should have or not. It really was a fun time!

Wrapping Up Winter

Here are some more random photos from January and February that didn’t really fit in their own posts:

Another mall play place! Later this year the mall in Sandy will have a new play area… can’t wait!

They did this all on their own and it was the cutest thing ever.

I let him hold this pig at IKEA and he just kept cuddling it and saying, “Awwwwwww.”

She put on my glasses, made this pose and said, “I’m just relaxing.”

Finny babe is my date to the library while Eva is at dance. I think it’s his favorite place.

“Mom, don’t I look cute looking out the window and thinking?”

Cabella’s is our favorite spot to just get out for an hour before dinner. Finn loves looking at the “ish.”

I make them do laps.

Lunch dates each Thursday with Daddy.

A Pinterest Party

I have a pretty fun calling right now at church. I’m on the Relief Society (the organization for the women) activities committee. We threw a little party last month where people brought treats from Pinterest ideas and made two different (very easy) crafts. We had a pretty good turnout and I think the gym looked nice so I decided to share!

Saturday at the Office

One weekend at the end of February, TJ had a last minute urgent project for work that pretty much took him all weekend. On Saturday night, we got takeout from Chili’s and brought him dinner. It was pretty much the best idea I’ve ever had and should do it more often because the kids were able to run around, we didn’t have to wait in a long line at Chili’s, and I was able to get out of the house with the kids (I was going crazy!). Sidenote: TJ’s project turned out great! I’m so proud of him!

Puzzling

In December, I started getting a hankering to puzzle. I’ve never puzzled, or had the urge to puzzle. I mean, I’ve done little kid ones, but nothing hard. I think I saw a friend post one online and it just looked fun. So I found one on clearance after Christmas and went to work on it in January. I listened to Serial and a few other podcasts while doing it and a second puzzle, it was so much fun. I’ve got a new one I’m in the middle of but had to take it a part a bit to get it out of my kitchen. But now that I’m writing about it, I think I’m gonna get back to it tonight! It just is fun to have a new hobby and something to do other than watch TV at the end of the night!

Oh, and PS-I glued the top one together and hung it up in my basement!