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Push through the nap.

Occasionally we have days where the weather is just too perfect or we have something really fun planned smack dab in the middle of Finn’s nap time so we decide to skip it and just push through! 95% of the time it’s worth it. We don’t do it often, but on the days we do, we make memories. One Monday TJ was out of town and I took the kids to a new park and walking trail. Then I had promised to take Eva to pick out a new toy for completing her positivity/no fuss chart which led us to the mall play place. And then instead of heading home and having Finn take a late nap, I just kept driving west instead of getting on i-15 N and took the kids to the lake. The bugs were horrendous but it was sooooo gorgeous down there!

When I first had Eva and became a mom, I was incredibly strict with routines/schedules. That first summer TJ was gone and so I really stuck to it because it was the only way I had some sanity in my life. And as much as I believe structure and routines are SO good and extremely necessary for kids, I also a huge believer in getting out of your comfort zones, occasionally throwing out those routines, and just living in the moment when the moment calls! So find that balance! You won’t regret it!

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Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!

 

A Weekend with the Kids

In January, TJ went out of town for a weekend to go pick up a car in Arizona. We kept busy but kept it simple since it was cold and I was in the middle of a puzzle (haha!). The kids were so cute! One evening I took them over to Harmon’s (just the nice grocery store) and we actually ate dinner there because they have a really nice upstairs area with tables and chairs and live music that night. Plus they got to ride in the car cart, so… as Michael Scott says, “Win, Win, Win.”

At Home with the Kids

We have been letting TJ take the car to work a lot, meaning we are left without a car. Honestly, it hasn’t been bad at all. It’s definitely a change though since I’m used to getting out everyday and doing a lot of stuff with the kids. But we just have to find other ways to spend our time. We’ve used our playroom much more than ever before, walk to all the different parks in the neighborhood, set up play-dates with neighbors, go on walks and bike rides, play a lot of games and chalk outside, and walk to the museums and farm nearby. Here are some photos from the past month of our shenanigans.

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In Two Weeks Time

I’m not quite ready to write Finn’s birth story. I’m sure I’ll be emotional recounting it all so let me just fill you in about the last two weeks.

Simply put, it’s been great. One night last week I went to bed and thought how I was so excited to wake up and be a mommy to Finn and Eva all over again. Before I had Finn, I was so worried about having another baby in my life. Wondering if I could possibly love another kid as much as Eva. But I do. I am obsessed. He is such a sweetheart. My mom asked me on the phone one afternoon how we were doing with everything and I started crying-she probably thought I was going to vent about everything to her (which I’m sure I will one of these days) but I just told her how I love having Finn here so much and how it’s been so wonderful. There’s just something about having a newborn in your home that is very special.

But just because it’s been great, it doesn’t mean it hasn’t had its challenges. With Eva sleeping through the night for years now, we are not used to having to wake up in the night over and over again. So the no sleep thing is really killing me. He had some good nights in there, but the past few nights has had a lot of gas or something making it hard for him to fall asleep. I forgot about all of this newborn stuff, but we’re getting used to it.

I’m trying to create some sort of routine, which is still very loose since he’s so little and things change day to day. But I think the structure has been vital for Eva since so much has changed in such a quick time. Eva is almost four, so it’s not terribly hard with her and the newborn, she plays well by herself and does have school three times a week. I also have made sure she’s had lots of grandma and cousin time since those moments make her the happiest. But I have noticed she’s been more emotional-had a couple tantrums and such. Today I was so tired and did not find her three-ness as cute as usual but realized at the end of the day, I need to be extra sensitive to her because she’s learning with all of this just like I am.

That’s about it. Little Finn is changing every day which breaks my heart but also gets me so excited for all the fun adventures we will have together. Look at that sweetie…

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Eva constantly wants to look/kiss/hug her brother.
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One week old here