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Push through the nap.

Occasionally we have days where the weather is just too perfect or we have something really fun planned smack dab in the middle of Finn’s nap time so we decide to skip it and just push through! 95% of the time it’s worth it. We don’t do it often, but on the days we do, we make memories. One Monday TJ was out of town and I took the kids to a new park and walking trail. Then I had promised to take Eva to pick out a new toy for completing her positivity/no fuss chart which led us to the mall play place. And then instead of heading home and having Finn take a late nap, I just kept driving west instead of getting on i-15 N and took the kids to the lake. The bugs were horrendous but it was sooooo gorgeous down there!

When I first had Eva and became a mom, I was incredibly strict with routines/schedules. That first summer TJ was gone and so I really stuck to it because it was the only way I had some sanity in my life. And as much as I believe structure and routines are SO good and extremely necessary for kids, I also a huge believer in getting out of your comfort zones, occasionally throwing out those routines, and just living in the moment when the moment calls! So find that balance! You won’t regret it!

Wrapping Up April

Somehow April is over and May will be over in a week! Here are the rest of the photos from the month that didn’t get their own blog post!

We watched tons of Jazz basketball games in April as they made it to the playoffs. TJ even got to attend one of the games on the sixth row!

Finn had a really bad cold early April, double ear infection in both ears! TJ’s parents watched Eva for me one whole day which was such a relief. When we picked her up, Finn did a little mowing.

We got a cilantro plant from the dollar section at Target. It grew so incredibly fast, then died. I don’t know if we overwatered it or what, but that was very short lived. I was so excited and then crushed to get rid of it.

Eva’s fancy outfit. She even is wearing pink high heels.

The last photo I have of Finn with his classic two bottom teeth smile. He got a lot of new teeth in April.

She’s always dressed up so fancy. This one is a blanket style train.

I can’t get this photo to turn right now, oh well. But they spent every sunny day outside!

A new hair style I tried out on Eva. I thought it was so cute!

Ready to watch Moana… aka “NANA”!

So Behind!

I kind of have put blogging on the back burner recently but since I use this as my journal, I really need to catch up! We had to stay at home from church today because we’re not feeling too hot and want to be 100% for Eva’s graduation tomorrow, so I thought I’d use the time to get caught up here! But we have been good! Very busy but using each warm day for fun adventures, even if that just means getting out the water table. TJ went out of town a few times in the past month, which always has its trials but I’m so glad he’s doing well at work and really enjoys what he is doing. And tomorrow is our 7 year anniversary, if you can believe it! So, life is good and I’m grateful!

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Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!

 

Wrapping Up March

Easter hat shopping. Finn did not like the boy ones or the white one. He wanted to wear the pink hat only.

Just a little weekday getup.

Finn’s new favorite game. 

We went to our friend’s 30th Birthday party at Noah’s which was a complete blast!

Finn, Eva, and I went to see Beauty and the Beast last week. It was better than I could have imagined!

We finally renewed our Thanksgiving Point passes and have already been so many times.

Just loungin’

Farm days with cousins

More loungin’… this kid knows how to relax, apparently.

We spent one morning at the Provo Rec Center. That place is so awesome!

Miss Eva remembered how to swim, I was so proud!

Swim fun with friends!

My wedding dates!

Eva wearing her “wedding skirt” while watching the Bride and Groom dance

Finn just devouring a cupcake