Let’s Forget the Bad

I’ve been having a hard week or two with Eva. I use my blog as my journal, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll read this and remember how this was just a bump in the road. I’m also writing this in hopes maybe someone out there has gone through the same thing with their kid and can tell me IT’S JUST A PHASE. YOU’RE DOING GREAT. LIFE WILL GET BACK TO NORMAL. SYLYB!

You know how when you have a baby and they’re teething, and all of a sudden one day they’re completely different? Finn is this way right now. Suddenly, my happy sweet boy who typically is so easy, cries all the time, and I’m like, what’s going on??? Why is he being so awful? Then I feel a new tooth in his mouth and I realize there’s a reason for the hard day. Well, it’s just like that. Except Eva isn’t teething so I have no idea what’s going on. I want to blame it on a growth spurt. Is that still a thing that affects their behavior when they’re five? I need to get my parenting books out.

Well, today was the worst day we’ve had so far with all this going on. And it definitely will go down in the top five hardest days that I have ever had as a parent. I don’t want to talk about the details, I just want to forget them and move on.

Part of me is thinking, what is going on with her? Where did my Eva go? But the other part is thinking, I literally failed as a mom today. And I know we all say that casually from time to time. But no. Today I failed.

Before church, in the middle of one of the tantrums that seemed to never end, I went to my room and fell to my knees just pleading for help. Pleading for patience. Pleading to become the mom my kids deserve. I was able to calm down and eventually get Eva to calm down so we could make it to church, but later tonight, it all happened again. But now she is in bed for the night and I feel emotionally spent. Checked out. Overwhelmed with guilt. Thinking of how I acted, how I reacted, how I wish I would have acted. 

I was watching some Mormon Messages tonight once I put the kids to sleep and I came across one about Mary, the mother of Jesus, and all that she went through. I can’t imagine the burden she must have felt as a mom. Although Jesus was perfect, I’m guessing that when he was a young child, Mary most likely had many days of feeling like the way I’m feeling right now. She probably felt even worse because she knew of His divine calling. And I guess that’s the hard part, though, we know of our children’s potential. I know my children were born in this time for a reason. They are to be strong, resilient, and righteous. And I’ve got to do all that I can while they’re growing up to lead them in the right way. Am I doing all that I can? Am I doing my best? Am I setting a good example myself? We can only take it a day at a time, right? But tomorrow I’m going to be better, because they deserve it.

Being a mom is hard. If it’s not teething, it’s tantrums. If it’s not tantrums, it’s teenagers… I’m sure this will never end as long as I’m a mother, but I just hope that I can handle it better in the future. I want to feel accomplished and strong at the end of the day. So wish me luck. And please, any tips are so appreciated!


3 replies
  1. Melanie McGrath
    Melanie McGrath says:

    Listen, you need to listen to Janet Lansbury’s Podcast. She will surely have something that relates to whatever happened today. She always speaks to my soul and makes me feel better and gives me more tools.

  2. Luisa Elton
    Luisa Elton says:

    Lucas is the textbook definition of the “Terrible twos”. Some days, I seriously consider putting him outside in a box with a sign “Free to a good home”… then just “Free to a home” then just… “Free”. But then he turns around and looks straight into my soul and I just remember how lucky I am to call him mine. We’ll make it out alive, and they won’t remember the tantrums 🙂

  3. Nichole S
    Nichole S says:

    We do all have those days! After sleeping through the night since 5 months, now at 18 months he has decided no more. Last week at 2 AM I had finally had it and I started lecturing him. Lecturing him!!! He barely understands english! Thankfully kids are so quick to forgive and show love. I have a strong testimony that Heavenly Father knows the intentions and desires of our heart. We desire and try to be good mothers, and He is grateful we have taken on this role. You got this!


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